


The Devil's Sanity and Her Insanity

by luztcravers



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Drama & Romance, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kidnapping, Miscarriage, My First Fanfic, OTP Feels, Psychological Drama, Rough Sex, too many emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 12:21:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10536366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luztcravers/pseuds/luztcravers
Summary: The devil knew that what he stole would be one he couldn't replace. She knew that what he took would be something he wouldn't return. AU





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> Yello!! My first fic on both fanfiction and on this site. I don't know what you would think of it but hope you like it

* * *

 

“She loved mysteries so much that she became one.”

John Green

* * *

 

**Voice 1** : “Hey, did you hear?”

_Voice 2_ : “Hear about what?”

**Voice 1** : “There was a first degree murder case on 69th Ave. They said that they found a woman’s body sitting up against the wall.”

_Voice 2_ : “Really? Why there?”

**Voice 1** : “Who knows, but get this. The body that they had discovered was cut up in pieces but stitched back together again but when they had touched the body, they said that they felt that they were only touching an empty corpse.”

_Voice 2_ : “An empty corpse? What does that even mean?”

**Voice 1** : “It means that when they had touched it, there were no signs of bones physically inside the body. So the body was taken to the forensics lab, they immediately tried to open the eyelids that were also cut up and stitched back. When they removed the stiches, they discovered that there were no eyeballs, which lead to the part of opening the body. When they had unstitched every stich on the body, they concluded their hypothesis of the body being completely empty was true. Nothing was left in the body meaning no bones, no organs, no eyes, and no brain. It was just an empty sack of skin left.”

_Voice 2_ : “Wow, that’s so sad. I wouldn’t want to be involved in that murder. It sounds too gruesome. Even just thinking about the details just start to create nightmares.”

**Voice 1** : “Yeah, you’re right. They do start to create nightmares but what can you do just hearing a story like that? Anyway, the investigation for the first degree murder case is still being looked into in hopes of finding the killer but what would her dear friends say when they hear about this?”

_Voice 2_ : “I don’t know but we can still pray in hopes that they just aren’t vengeful. She wouldn’t want to hear that if she was a ghost. Anyway, I’ve been wondering."

**Voice 1** : “Yes?”

_Voice 2_ : “What’s her name?”

**Voice 1** : “Her name is…”

_**Voice 3**_ : “Ladies?! Are you ready?”

_Voice 2_ : “Oh! We need to hurry!”

* * *

 

She watched up high from the skyscraper, taking in the view of the erratic night time of Tokyo. She smiled at herself. Footsteps echoed behind her as she felt the footsteps become light and then stand still. She didn’t turn back. She had no reason to.

_“I miss you.”_ He said.

_“How long will it take? This mission of yours?”_

She laughs.

“You think too much.”

She stood up at the edge of the skyscraper,

“For a dead man,”

And jumped.

“…I don’t have much time to think anymore.”


	2. Jesus Wept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too many closed doors and too many secrets. Just how many did she keep?

Again, he was lying next to an empty space, where the sheets were rumpled together as if someone had slept with him. Yawning, he sat up on his bed and looked at the sunlight peeking through his window. He abhorred how sun tried to invade his room. It reminded him too much of her own personality. Her smiles that reflected the light towards his eyes that caused him to be blinded by her too. He certainly hated the sun and he would’ve paid double to get rid of it. Picking himself up off the bed, he moves around the room and makes his destination straight towards the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and, while turning the faucet on, he dips his head under the water. “Gokudera-san!” He heard a voice. A voice that wasn’t hers. He was a goner.

“Gokudera-san? Where are you?”

He continued to force his head through the water, hoping that the water would travel through his brain and shut it down in order not to relive the memory. “Gokudera-san, there you are!”

Oh boy, he is a goner.

He lifted his head up from the water and looked down at the sink. He let the water soak through his hair and drip from the sides of his face to the bottom of his chin. He didn’t say a word. He had no reason to.

“Why are you soaking wet? What’s wrong?”

She tried to touch him. She tried to look into his eyes. She tried to make love to his lips. All over again. She was drawn to the fact of how helpless he was. Not even she could do that to him but she could. She could care less if she was carrying a bastard child. After all, she could at least make him a father. She could be everything he wanted: a sex slave, a fuck buddy, a short-term wife, and/or a mother. She didn’t need to be in the picture. It was only going to be only her and him and thankfully, it will stay that way.

~~Forever.~~

 “Why aren’t you saying anything? I didn’t just want to sleep with you and see you unhappy all over again. I-“

“She managed to break down my walls and freeze my hell and put me back together on my feet when no one—not even the boss—could.”

Tears slid down his cheeks, mixing with the salt water from his eyes with the fresh water from the sink.

“What made you think for a second that I needed your fucking help?!”

She flinched at the tone his voice and stepped back, slightly hoping that this argument would somehow end with a thank you from the work that she had done.

“I just wanted to help you. I…I just wanted to see your smile again.”

“By sleeping with me?”

The answer is all too clear.

But, she _still_ wanted to help him.

She _still_ wanted to look him in the eyes.

She _still_ wanted to love him more than _~~she~~_ ever could.

She, **_still_** , wanted a lot of things.

She immediately left the room from the oppressing silence striding across the room, looking at both of them face to face.

As soon as she left, he fell to his knees. Looking at the lonesome cigarette that rolled on the ground carelessly, he picked it up and brushed it off. He searched for his hidden lighter and then lit up the cigarette. He sat down on the bathroom tiled floor and continued to blow gray smoke clouds from his lips. 

After smoking his last breath from the cigarette, he dropped it inside of the sink. Stripping himself, he drops the clothes inside the laundry bin and gets inside the bathtub soaking himself with his sin and their filth.

‘It’s been a week since I last saw her.’ He reminds himself.

* * *

 

**BEGIN FLASHBACK**

_Laying on the bed was a chestnut haired middle aged woman wearing nothing but a scarlet tuxedo shirt with black and red laced thongs. She hugged herself and continued to cry even while she was asleep. Tears were falling like a rushing river that was unable to be controlled._

_Finishing up his last mission that took him exactly 10 months to complete, he was ready to welcome back his wife with a loving hug. He couldn’t wait to touch her sunlight tan kissed skin and caress her lips with his own. Reaching and turning up the doorknob that granted him the access to their bedroom, he tries to scare his wife to head her straight into his arms, but instead, he hears soft murmurs. He walked up to her figure laying on the bed and sees trails of tears with mascara on her cheeks. He sat down on the bed and tried to reach for her cheek but instead he hears her soft voice._

_“I…m…..sor..ry,” she said and he flinched._

_‘Sorry? Who is she sorry for?’ he started to thinks when he made small attempts at moving out of the bed slowly enough not to wake her._

_As he was making his way to move away from her, she spoke._

_“I can’t….save…them. Let me…save them.” He stops and stands still. He didn’t move for a good minute before he called out to her._

_“Hey, honey. I’m home.” She woke up from her silent grieving dream and listened in unbelief of her lover’s voice. She sits up but she doesn’t turn back to look at him._

_She doesn’t intend to look back._

_Looking back meant missing someone or something._

_Looking back meant that she needed help._

_She never liked asking for help even when they both knew she needed it._

_She didn’t like looking weak._

_She laughed at herself._

_She was becoming more like him than she thought._

_He studied her behavior. She studied hers too._

_He got better at finding the problem. She got better at hiding it._

_At any moment now, she would’ve caved in. She had to. She wanted to._

_But she knew better than anyone that the devil doesn’t like sharing his secrets. And sometimes, neither did she._

_“Are you okay?” he whispered. She had a ghostly smile on her face. She loved that about him. He knew even before she had time to build her wall of secrecy again, that he would’ve already known that something was not right with her._

_“Yes, I’m fine.”_

* * *

_If anything, he knew she would cave in eventually because he knew that she couldn’t handle telling lies or keeping secrets...but mostly keeping secrets._

_“Honey, you were whispering in your sleep. If something’s wrong, please tell me. I hate to see you like this.” Reaching out to touch her shoulder, she slightly brushed his hand away and gets up. She brightly smiled and said ‘It’s okay…I’m okay, sweetie.’ and as much as she sounded like sweet honey and sugar, he knew that the sound of her honey was getting old and as much as he hated to say it to himself, it started to disgust him._

_“Alright,” He said nothing more and just returned her smile with one of his. “How about we celebrate the night by going to that restaurant you told me about in the letter you sent to me?”_

_Her eyes immediately started to sparkle as she started to hug him, squeezing out every last breath in his body._

_“You HAVE been reading my letters! I thought you didn’t care for it but it seems like you do. Told ya you miss my voice.” He laughed at her silliness and tried to make her lessen her grip on him. When she did, he cupped her face in his hands and replied._

_“I was gone for a year and without your constant bickering, I thought I would have gone crazy. I love you, and besides, you’re the only one who keeps me sane in this world.” After this, he butterfly kissed her nose and then moved down to her lips to kiss her. He moved away from her for them to catch their breaths and he smiled._

_“I’m gonna go downstairs to get some food.” She laughed._

_“Aren’t we going to the restaurant?”_

_“Yeah but with that little size of food I’m guessing they’re going to give, I’m gonna go get a big appetizer.” She giggled. She started to look at the ring on his finger and then lifted up his hand to her lips and kissed the ring. She then moved his hand to her cheek and started to caress it._

_“I love you…so much.” He started to blush and brings his forehead to hers._

_“You’re so dramatic,” he chuckled and pecked her lips. “I love you too.”_

_“OH! I’ve gotta show you the new dress I made! You’re going to love it.”_

_“Oh I know I will but not as much as I love you in it.” She giggled again as he moved away from her and started to head towards the door._

_“Now, I’m going to leave you to go get ready while I go get something to eat.”_

_“Okay,” she nodded and looked at his eyes again, “Don’t fill yourself up too much!” He laughed as he walked towards the door._

_With her smile still in place, she wanted him to leave and granting her wish, he left the room and she had dropped her smile. She never liked lying to him in front of his face. Like a fly, trapped in a web of lies, she struggled and every time she would, it would tighten up more._

_She just couldn’t breathe anymore._

_She walked up to the old polished wood stand up dresser and opened the two doors. Behind the closet doors, was a silver pearled jeweled box and in it was black revolver handgun. She opened the box and took out the gun, cocking the revolver and placing it to the side of her head._

_“You’re the only one who keeps me sane in this world too.” She whispered. She wondered if all the thoughts she wouldn’t be able to say would spill out with the blood on her hands. She placed the gun back in its place inside the box and hid it where it could never be found. She didn’t want him to know._

_~~A dirty slave~~. ~~A cheater~~. ~~A slut~~. ~~An actor~~. ~~A miscarriage~~._

_“I want to die.”_

_She didn’t want him to know._

_~~She knows that she didn’t like telling her secrets.~~ _

__But she doesn’t like keeping secrets is all that he knows._   
_

* * *

_“Are you ready?” He called out from downstairs. He pulled up his sleeves and looked at his watch for the time. While he’s captivated by the time, he doesn’t catch her appearance when she stepped out of the room. She silently laughed at herself while she looked at him._

**_‘He’s so cute when he pulls out his watch.’_ **

_She lightly coughed to get his attention and as he looked up, his jaw dropped._

_“Woah…you look-” She cut him off as she started to walk down the golden marble steps to meet her lover._

_“Amazing? Talented? Smart? Beautiful?”_

_“I was going to say **perfect** but those words work too.” She chuckled at his response. He reached out his hand to take hers and turned her around into his chest with her eyes looking straight into his. He always loved the colors of her eyes. He loved the way they sparkled when she was happy or just with him in general. He loved the way he gave her goosebumps when he was close to her; the way she would breathe after they kissed. He loved the way she would blush when he complimented her. He loved the color of her skin and softness of her lips. He loved the way she smiled; the sounds of her laughs so innocently pure yet so deceiving to the naked eye. He just loved her and he would’ve been damned to let someone else have her. _

_“You’re breathtakingly beautiful. I mean that. You’re just so **perfect**.” With their faces at close proximity, he lifted her chin and he kissed her. And he loved that too._

_“I really do love you.” He lifted up her hand and kissed it and moved it to the side of his face. She blushed and then smiled._

_“I really love you too. Without you, I probably would’ve been swallowed from depression from Tsuna and Kyoko’s relationship. You were always there. Thank you for saving me. You’re always there when I need you the most.” A tear slipped out of her eyes as it slides down her cheek onto his hand. He wiped the lonesome tear from her eye and kissed her again. He pulled away and smiled._

**_DING DONG_ **

_He turned towards the door and then looked back at her. She continued to smile waiting for whatever he was going to say._

_“Let’s go, your highness. Your chariot awaits.” She linked her arm into his and he led the way. Opening the door, he led her inside the limo parked in the front of the house._

_“Well, this is lovely.” She said as she stepped inside. He held onto her until she was fully inside the car and then he got in. He directed the chauffeur to the restaurant and sat back for the awaited drive. As they left the driveway, he looked at her as she stared through the window. He really couldn’t help but think about how perfect she looked. The golden sparkled dress that hugged her waist and hips beautifully and her makeup enhanced her beauty even more as her eyes sparkled like the moon outside but he could still feel the unnerving tension in her demeanor._

_‘Hey, what is it you’re hiding from me?’ He wanted to ask her but it subdued in the silence._

_“The moon is pretty tonight.” She said as she continued to look through the window. He had so much to say and so much to ask but he didn’t want to ruin the mood._

_“Yeah…it is.”_

_They continued to sit in silence until the chauffeur gave the signal that we had arrived at our destination. The chauffeur stepped out of the car and opened the door for us. He stepped out and held out my hand for her._

_“Over the years that we’ve never actually gotten along, I would say that this is the biggest the surprise I’ve ever gotten from you.” She said as she took my hand and got out of the car. Smiling, he walked to the door as she held onto his arm._

_“Really, I thought marrying you would’ve been the biggest surprise; I won’t lie that I was surprised too.” Laughing, he looked at her. She turned to him with a smile on her face._

_“Why would you be surprised? You married one heck of an-“_

_“Amazing? Talented? Smart? Beautiful woman?” She smacked his arm and laughed. He mocked a pained expression and looked at her again._

_“I was going to say perfect but those words work too.” They entered the restaurant and walked up to the waiting booth._

_“Prenotazione tavolo per…_ _Oh, per il signor e la signora Gokudera?” (Table reservation for… Oh, for Mr. and Mrs. Gokudera?) The host asked._

_“S_ _í!” He replied back to the host. Following the host, she secretly squealed._

_“That was so cute! I love his accent!”_

_“What, you don’t love mine anymore?”_

_“Well, you rarely speak in your language so I gotta find better entertainment.”_

_“That’s not what you said when we were in bed together.” He smirked._

_“That was 10 months ago. Keep up with time, Bakadera.” She laughed as he pouted. The host led them to the center of the restaurant where the reserved table was._

_“This is so beautiful.”_

_Roses decorated the table as the candles blazed in the center of it. The golden crystalized chandelier glowed above them as they took a seat under it. She felt like a princess walking up the glassed staircase. The evening sky was shining above the hanging chandelier and the moon illuminated the whole room. It was beautiful._

_Everything was perfect._

_Too perfect._

_She almost found it repulsive._

_Almost._

_“I know how you like being the center of attention, so tonight, I’m gonna show you off, my beautiful queen.” He smirked._

_He always did that. Trampling over her precious fairytale dreams of being a princess. She couldn’t help but laugh at herself. He was right. She was no princess. She barely needed saving even when she still did. She never asks for it. She wasn’t even princess from the start. She was a queen. His queen._

_The host left two menu booklets on the table and went on his way._

_He took her hand and helped her into her seat and she kept taking in the beauty of the restaurant._

_“10 months gone and you’re already becoming a changed man.” She smirked as she watched him sit in his seat._

_“Well, what can I say? The queen that I worship deserves more praises than before, wouldn’t you agree?”_

_“Wow, before, I would have thought I was nothing but a stupid woman to you, but look at me now. I graduated from being your Stupid Woman to your Queen. Congrats to me.” He sarcastically laughed at her comment._

_“One thing is for sure, you certainly know how to impress girls.”_

_“Now that’s where you’re wrong.”_

_“Wha—Excuse me?” He chuckled at her confusion._

_“First things first; I only try to impress one person in my life and that is—“_

_“Tsuna, of course.”_

_“Don’t interrupt me.”_

_“Alright, fine. Go on.”_

_“You’re not a girl.”_

_“Oh, ok? What am I then? A sandbox?” She sarcastically stated. Certainly, he could tell that she wanted to rile up a fight and she wasn’t afraid of the consequences either, but he refused to meet her challenge. He wasn’t looking forward to starting a losing battle._

_“You are a woman. Lastly, I don’t impress girls, I impress **my** girl and my girl is no girl at all; she is a woman and that woman is **my** queen.” Her cheeks started to paint themselves in the hue of bright red to cover the happiness that erupted inside of her all at once. Slowly, but surely, his face started to brighten up in red as he repeated himself from the back of his mind. She noticed his face and started to laugh._

_“When did you start getting sappy?” He looked at her and immediately straight to his thumbs._

_“I’ve been reading a lot of literature during my mission and I just wanted to…try it on you in my own way.” He started to rub the back of his neck with his eyes on everything but her. He thought that when he would look up, she would be ready to burst in his face, but instead, he saw a smile. Somehow, that smile was all that it took to calm him down._

_“I missed seeing that smile.”_

_A smile so rare that it probably belonged to an angel in heaven._

* * *

 

_Her ~~vulnerable~~ smile._

_He thought that she had lost her smile; a smile so genuinely pure.  This was the new start of a new beginning since he came back._

_Everything was almost perfect._

**Almost.**

_Something for a quick second flashed through her eyes and it was never seen again._

_Something was wrong._

_He could feel that something was off._

_~~“What are you hiding from me?”~~ _

_“Is something wrong?”_

_“Nothing…it’s just that you’re finally back. You’re finally back into my arms again.”_

_She doesn’t miss a beat._

_Let herself go for a second and suddenly, he’ll know everything._

_She couldn’t afford to fail now._

_Someone was watching._

_And this time, it wasn’t God._

_\--_

_He wasn’t stupid._

_Something was definitely off._

_She’s hiding something._

_And this time, he was determined to find out what it was._

_Before he could reply, the waiter approached the table._

_“Buona sera, Il mio nome è Lucifero e sarò vostro cameriere in questa bella notte.” (Good Evening, My name is Lucifer and I will be your waiter on this fine night.) The waiter looked at us and then gave her a smile. She hesitated but she gave him a smile in return._

_“Ti andrebbe qualcosa da bere o qualsiasi antipasti?” (Would you care for something to drink or any appetizers?)_

_“L'acqua sarebbe bello per noi due. Grazie.” (Water would be nice for the both of us. Thank you.)_

_The waiter wrote down the order and then looked at the woman dressed in gold. Slowly, but surely, she could feel herself being tied down by the way he was looking at her._

_So hungry._

_The waiter turned towards him with a smile._

_“Devo dire, tua moglie è certamente un bel fascino. Mi chiedo come sei riuscito a mantenere la sua.” (I must say, your wife is, certainly, a beautiful charm. I wonder how you managed to keep her.)_

_The waiter noticed her uneasiness._

_“Smettere di cercare di flirtare con mia moglie. Sarebbe meglio per voi per noi ottenere l'acqua che abbiamo ordinato e trovare un altro cameriere per partecipare a noi. Il tuo comportamento è maleducata.” (Stop trying to flirt with my wife. It would be best for you to get us the water we ordered for and find another waiter to attend to us. Your behavior is flat out rude.)_

_He noticed her concern. The waiter simply bowed and apologized._

_“Mi dispiace per il mio comportamento maleducato. Vado a prendere l'acqua.” He smiled and walked off. He certainly didn’t notice but she did. There was more to that smile._

_“Why do you looked pissed? Was it the waiter? What did he say?”_

_He simply smiled._

_“Nothing. He didn’t say anything out of the ordinary.”_

_She simply complied._

_“You know, that accent fits you so well. It’s turning me on and we’re not even in bed yet.”_

_Oh God, she was using that voice on him._

_That voice was the key to bringing him down to his knees._

_It would render him physically useless and spiritually lustful._

_“Alright slow down. Always wanna ruin the fun.” He chuckled, but he refused to be turned on before the waiter came back again and hopefully, it would have been a new one._

_Unfortunately, his wish was ignored when that same repulsive waiter returned._

_“Ecco la vostra acqua, signore e perdere.” (Here is your water, sir, and miss.)_

_“Grazie.”_

_“Ho quasi dimenticato. Hai una nota da un mittente sconosciuto.” (I almost forgot. You have a note from an unknown sender.)_

_The waiter pulled out a small note from the inside of his vest and handed the note over to her._

_“For me?”_

_The waiter nodded and placed it directly next to the water. The waiter turned around to make his way to the next table but what went through his lips were unnoticed. The moment she looked up, she could see the love of her life staring back at her concerned._

_“What does the card say?”_

_“ **Gesù Pianse** ” From the corner of her eye, she noticed a child coughing and then passing out on the table. Slowly, everyone else started to copy the child. Cries were erupting on the other side of the room as other guest began to run amok from the sudden scene. Catastrophe was up in the air and they were in the center of it. _

_“What’s going on?! What’s happening to everyone?!” His lover cried out._

_The restaurant started to go up in flames._

_They could only watch them._

_Humans started to look like rats as they tried to leave but slowly, they turned into flies as they dropped one by one where they stood._

_“The card—!” He started to choke. She did as well. Nothing was adding up._

_She could only watch as he fought for air while slowly losing consciousness._

_“HAYATO—!”_

**[BLANK SCENE]**

**END of FLASHBACK**

* * *

 

He pushed his head out of the water as he realized he was going to drown. He had fallen asleep in the bathtub, but then again, he couldn’t help but feel a little suicidal. He was loyal to those he loved but how could he ever forgive himself for this act of betrayal. She could never forgive him. Not after he was the only one that showed her that she could be loved.

He was so broken.

“I need to get out and get ready for the meeting.” He said to himself. He could feel his skin get soggy and wrinkled. He stepped out of the bathtub and went into the shower to rinse off the remaining dirt that was left. After doing that, he headed towards the closet to pick out his clothes while drying off.

Going through the racks of suits he owned, he pulled out his usual black suit with his red shirt accompanied with his black tie. He got dressed and quickly left the closet and sat on his side of bed. He couldn’t bring himself to go to the meeting; not after what he did. He still felt disgusted with himself and he didn’t want the Tenth to notice his problems and burden it on him either but he still needed to do his job. He needed to do the right thing; he needed to tell her even if it broke him more than it did to her. He decided to put on his shoes and his watch and let the driver know to go to the headquarters. Arriving at the headquarters, he got out of the car and thanked the driver. On his way, he greeted the gardener and had one of the security staff open the door. When he walked inside, the only noise he could hear was the sound of a woman in the television and crying. He walked a little bit further in the hall when he noticed it was the living room where everyone had gathered. He walked inside and noticed everyone with grave, distressed and depressed looks on their faces. The Tenth was hugging his wife as she buried her face in his arms crying; I-pin and Lambo held hands while they cried; Ryohei stood beside his sister and Chrome as Chrome was being cuddled in his sister’s arms as they both sobbed, and even Hibari and Mukuro wore a grave expression from the atmosphere. Everyone looked so broken.

“What’s going on? Why does everyone look like someone died?”

“That’s because someone did die.” Yamamoto walked up towards him with little tear streaks from his eyes.

“Why are you cry—?”

“Did you get my message?”

“What message? I turned my phone off…what’s going on? Who died?”

“She died, Hayato.” There were times where Yamamoto used his first name only when things got serious and this had to be one when he called his name out like that.

“Who is ‘she’?!” Yamamoto turned away and he suddenly grabbed the collar of his shirt.

“Who the hell died?!”

“She died.” Yamamoto could only clench his fist tighter as he looked away. It was hurting him to say her name.

“Who the hell is ‘sh—‘?”

“Haru. She died. She…she was murdered.” Yamamoto whispered as he looked Gokudera in his face.

Then everything around him broke.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you in the next update!  
> I hope you liked it!


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